IS IT A GOOD IDEA TO DATE A GAMER?

This topic came up in a post online. The post was taken down after some time due to the implication that there is something that gets in the way of a normal dating life if the partner plays video games. The underlying intent of the question make sense to some degree but also completely ignores the other characteristics of the gamer. The assumption is that being a gamer is mainly negative which is not true. Gamers, in general, are not trapped in a dark room spending all their time in front of a screen. There are many examples that prove otherwise. I want to give a well thought out answer to the question, "Is it a good idea to date a gamer?" For this discussion, gamers are typical people who like investing their time playing games. I will go over the extremes of gaming as well. Also, my assumption is the reason for dating a gamer is to have good experiences and/or to have a meaningful relationship. By the end of this, I will pose a different question that should be asked instead.

1.      The Diversity of Gamers

Not all gamers are nerds obsessed with video games. Many gamers are involved with activities outside of gaming. I, for example, rarely talk about video games with my friends. I would rather talk about my job, my running habits, and my next home project before I would be talk about video games. I find talking about video games to be akin to talking about sports. The discussion can only go so far and is superficial. Rather I find more value in talking about (or sharing) personal experiences with other people. AND THIS IS ONLY ONE GAMER’S STORY. Gamers come in all shapes, sizes, with different opinions and values. Don’t think gamers are all the same.

2.      A Stigmatized Hobby

I understand some of the reasons why gaming has had a bad name in last decade. Modern video games require hours to complete, and there are many examples of gaming taken too far. I can personally attest to it. However, assuming the gaming is at normal, functional rates, how is playing video games any different from watching TV? I would argue the fact that gaming is a better activity between the two. Video games require active participation while watching TV is passive. TV happens to the viewer; games require the gamer to act upon them. The problem comes when time gaming goes too far.

3.      A Couple of Good Character Traits

Gamers are excellent problem solvers and thinkers. If you are looking for someone to have an intellectual and challenging conversation with, gamers are the people to date. The logic centers of a long-term gamer are well developed. Fast paced, and elaborate game play lend itself to enhancing problem solving and reflexes. You may find yourself trying to keep up. Also, people think gamers are socially isolate themselves, which can be true; however, this doesn’t mean they don’t know how to work in a group. Many video games nowadays require teamwork. Those who can’t play well with others generally don’t fare well. Like any other potential partner, you need to find where the gamer’s strengths are and if they are a good fit for you.

4.      The Problems of Consistent, Long-Term Gaming

Long-term gaming is associated with lack of activity in some of the emotion processing centers of the brain. This means understanding emotions in the self and others can become difficult which can impede emotional growth in relationships. Also, motivation can be stifled as a result, and gaming can become the primary source of comfort. Thus, normal activities like hygiene upkeep, eating, and sleeping at normal times start slipping as gaming takes priority. This is problematic, excessive gaming, also known as gaming addiction. So, the question should not be, “Is it a good idea to date a gamer?” It absolutely can be a fantastic idea or a terrible idea. It’s similar to asking, “Is it a good idea to date an alcohol drinker?” It just depends on the person. We all have strengths and weaknesses. The person being a gamer is incidental, not necessarily predictive of relationship satisfaction or success (although there have been studies on the topic). You would do better asking, “Is it a good idea to date this person?”