Checking In:

I just want to say I’m happy to be sharing this journey with everyone. I haven’t published anything on this topic for a while since my 88th day of staying sober from video games. Rest assured, I am staying strong. It has been just over 5 months now at 154 days sober from gaming, and I have tons to talk about.

Physical Health – In the last update, I was changing things abouts my diet (Carb Cycling) and physical activity. Over a month had gone by where I was trying this out, I saw no benefits. I started feeling tired, little to no energy, lost no weight, and say nothing happen with belly fat. Luckily, I signed up for a half marathon, and changed my diet back to a training diet. Funny enough, I actually started losing weight after stopping the carb cycling. I have continued core workouts along side with my running. For anyone curious about my exercise schedule, I’m currently at:

Monday: 5 miles

Tuesday: Core Workouts

Wednesday: 6 miles

Thursday: 5 miles

Friday: Core Workouts

Saturday: 10 miles

Sunday: Rest

The most important part is staying consistent with my activity. If I can’t run at night, I’ll go for a morning run, or I’ll try to make it up if I am unable to stay true to my schedule.

Mental Health – I do continue to have dreams relating to gaming, but they don’t seem as intense. I still think about gaming from time to time, and I enjoy talking about video games when the subject gets brought up. My brother was in town a couple of days ago and he asked me the question, “Have you thought about playing video games again, but in a healthy way?” I think about them often, but I have not made a plan to play again. The topic of my sobriety doesn’t come up in conversation much at all. Whether I would go back to gaming hadn’t even crossed my mind.  I’m not sure what that would look like, or if I could handle it,  and I don’t want to tempt myself with the thought. For now, I’m doing fine as is; however, my brother did bring up a good question; what would it look like for a problematic gamer to start playing again in a healthy way? It’s worth the time to think about.

Recently, I have been ruminating, which is a terrible coping mechanism. The good thoughts turn bad, and the bad thoughts go worse. Every person associated with rumination gets turned into a villain. The cure for rumination is gratefulness. One of my clients reminded me of the importance of being grateful. Life doesn’t seem as bad when you’re thanking it for your existence. I struggle with intentionally being grateful, but when I am, I feel better about my day. I find myself more engaged because things are worth my time. Without gaming, rumination became my main way to cope with my emotions and thoughts. Such negative thoughts can become like venom, and I want to get away from that bad habit. It may turn me against the people I love.

Cravings – The cravings have been few and far between. Every so often when I watch gaming videos, I imagine how fun it would be to dive into some of my favorite old games. That’s as far as it goes though. Out of a ten, the most I’ve felt has been about a 5 in terms of craving, and the cravings don’t last long.

Reminding Myself Why

I’m not just talking about staying sober from video games. I need to remind myself why I chose this life to begin with. And knowing that I am wholly responsible for where I am currently is the most sobering thought of all. It wasn’t too long ago that I felt trapped as if all my efforts meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Call it depression, or an existential crisis, or giving into nihilism. Everyone has had the question “Why does anything matter?” and I too was pondering that exact question.

I can’t answer the question… at least not for anyone else. Even if I could, it must come from the person asking the question to mean anything anyways. No therapy, advice, wisdom, or apple/gravity/concussion combination can truly give the appropriate response. I think this is where being grateful and appreciating what you have makes things matter. I know there are going to be times I go through that suck, but I can always try to appreciate what I have in them, even if the world is crumbling around me. I just have to remind myself why I continue forward.